Fruitcake Toss

I'm one of those non-believers you've (not) heard so much about. My enjoyment of this time of year is two-fold. Please, let me explain ...

First, I appreciate how warm and fuzzy most people become. Philanthropists "philanthrople" their brains out. Everyone smiles as a neonate spits up on a tittering new mom's bosom. Everyone fancies themselves comedic, especially when tipsy. Fun!

Second, I gather, appreciate, and create parody of non-religious Christmas/Chanukah/Winter Solitice/Kwanzaa traditions (my guilty pleasure for which I feel absolutely no remorse). Check out this visual manual for building a Mountain Dew can Christmas tree I found on the web yesterday: http://www.eatliver.com/i.php?n=5078

The things I find disturbing about this time of year are two-fold, as well ...

Those same folks that fancy themselves comedic when tipsy often turn into jackasses when soused ... and you can't take their keys and leave 'em at the bar because they're in your living room. The baby's spit-up turns out to be not from breast milk satiation, but from Winter Flu. And, those corporate donors are only giving as much as they need to qualify for federal tax credits and to keep their name on the plaque above the door leaving programs flailing and gasping for breath.

The Christmas tradition that seems to do the most damage is that of notion that there must be an excess of EVERYTHING — food, booze, gifts, seats at the table, party invites, holiday cards coming in, late nights, and decorations — excessive stress and debt are the two consequences of all these shenanigans.

So, I propose that we keep it simple this year. Philip and I will be hosting a fruitcake toss in March. What is this, you ask? Well, take that cake gift or buy one on sale after Christmas, open up that tin lid, and let your cake get good and stale. The only difference between your cake and a discus is the cake should still be a little sticky. Let us know if plan to participate and we'll send details.